February, 13
… Hmm, WELL i just dont know where to start.
I hope I don’t always feel this lonely. I’m not sure id be able to bare this feeling for the rest of my life. It seems like.. every person i talk to.. every person i open up to takes it for granted.
- WHAT!? Like you think id stay here for you.. Like I’m suppose to wait on this fucking computer for you to pop up? So you caaannn… what? Reply once for every five messages i send you..? Fuck that. Im suppose to stay there and reassure you how nice this guy probably is, and that he just may REALLY like you.. blah blah blah.
Anyone!? Come on, I cant stand it anymore - I dont understand women for the life of me. They’re fucked! Any female i romanticly pursue must have like a chemical imbalance, or.. like a malfunction of some sort. PLEASE tell me im right.. If every girl is like this - I think ill just quit here..
Now im 90% sure.. *wait let me check*.. 100% sure i dont have idiot written on my forehead. In what world does a guy like myself have to tell a young attractive lady that in order to not “get hurt” - Fucked and ditched - by a guy that she has to.. umm.. NOT FUCK HIM IMMEDIATELY!? I do not get it.. I treat you with the utmost respect and it feels like i get punched in the throat while you walk off with some douche bag - WHILE the two of you laugh as i gasp for air. I dont even know what to do anymore, im nearly
finished with being polite..
It has gotten me - literally - nothing. 2 failed long term relationships. A bunch of crushes that.. I dont know for the fucking life of me.. Seem to think i would wanna hear about their problems with the same douche bag who they choose over me. I dont.
In fact, when it comes to that shit; just don’t talk to me.. Everything you have to say is so self centered and about these guys. Really I’m fed up. I cant believe i wasted countless nights waiting for you to reply to some conversation we were having only to have you say, “lol ya.” I don’t even know why i tried to be nice to you, just another attention whore fishing for compliments and when someone “good looking” comes along.. Whose just your friend?
Yupp me - :). Whose the joke on tonight? Yupp me - :). Hahaha, i wont be seeing you when i come home. Im going to fucking blow you off hardcore :). Honestly - it wont bother me to either. You expect me to sit there and continue the same flirty exchange of words we have been.. After i hear about how amazing Mr. Gel Hair is? Hahaha, pff.
I never tried to get you high and fuck you, not once. I only ever wanted to get to know you better, and now that i do: Im wishing i didn’t know you, Period. Why? Why? Why? - Oh I’m not quite sure why i let you fucking punk me man. I feel betrayed - I cannot believe i tried to help you out with your anxiety. I cannot believe I listen to you tell me you fucked buddy 5 times in one night, even when you didn’t want to: AND i cannot believe i didn’t fucking burst out laughing when.. *drum roll* you thought dude gave you an STI… fuck.. pff.
You know what? Next time you log off don’t say “Love you” - Its obvious im just someone you get to photoshop shit and talk to when your bored. Later*
